...in a crowded room.
I know I’ve been MIA for a while, but there hasn’t been too much to report. Most things are in a holding pattern… which I suppose is good. No recent tragedies or problems or drama to report. And I’ve had some time to reflect and make some life decisions, so that feels like progress, even if it really isn’t. If you notice a difference in the way I’m acting around you or someone else… I hope you aren’t hurt, but if I have to be what seems like a bit of a jerk, then so be it.
See, I drive through downtown every weekday morning on my way to work at about the same time of day. And nearly every morning, I pass this woman in a yellow VW with several bumper-stickers… the meanings of which are completely lost on me. They must be some bands or slogans for groups of which I don’t belong. And yet, I find myself reading and rereading them every time I pass her by. Antigone Rising. Love is Foregone. There aren’t any new clues to their meanings or to her. But every day I read them all.
You know they say it’s a sign of insanity when a person keeps doing the same thing and expecting different results.
And so I’m no longer going to drive myself insane.
I’m no longer going to repeatedly extend myself in worthless pursuits that go nowhere and irrationally expect to see benefits. I’m not insane.
And so I may be dropping you.
See, I know a lot of people. It’s kind of a joke really… among my friends… When they’d meet someone from other cities or nearby states, there’d be the “oh, you know Dominic!” conversation.
I know you’re thinking I’m being a total jerk by talking about this. Or that I’m just a liar. But it’s true.
I used to throw parties in rented halls and hand out hundreds of invites to my friends… not strangers. I still host very large events and get big groups of people together to do whatever I happen to be doing. I’m one of those people who fits in to many different cliques and groups. I’m comfortable with all different types of personalities and ages and races. Countless friends of mine have come to things I’ve put together, met people from other social circles at my parties, and fallen in love or became best friends.
I sacrifice a lot of time, money, and effort for my friends in different ways, which I am, of course, happy to do. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy all of this. But it’s also true that this just isn’t working for me. There are times when I feel used.
See, there are friends I’d hoped would be closer. I’d hoped to develop a mutual bond. And so I tried my best. I’d make them dinners and buy them drinks. I’d listen to them talk about their problems. I’d play around and be goofy with them. I’d never leave the house without inviting them along. But there are some people who have never returned these favors since I’ve known them.
When’s the last time you invited me somewhere along with you? Or that you had me for dinner? Or thanked me for the things I do? Or told me you appreciated the fact that we are friends? Because for some of you, nothing’s coming to mind.
So you know what? You’re taking advantage of me. I feel used. Friendships have to go two ways. And until they do, I’m done. There’s just too many to try to maintain with all this wasted energy.
I realize people show love in different ways. Everyone supposedly shows their love and friendship mainly in one of five ways: either through words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Which one are you?
All I can say is that you better pick one and start showing it. I still have a lot of big events planned for this summer… large camping trips, dinner parties, concerts, dance parties, the Photo Road Rally 2008… I enjoy being social and generous and hosting these things for my friends. And after having met more people this year, I thought I’d have to make these things bigger and better each time. But you know what? They’re going to be smaller. I’m going to cut back. I don’t care if you are my roommate, or a cousin, or I’ve known you for a decade. I’m going to drop useless friends that make me feel used. I’m going to focus my efforts on developing close bonds with people who appreciate me and reciprocate. If you want an invite – if you want to be a good friend of mine – maybe you should try proving to me that you are worthy of that title. Because I’ve been trying to prove it to you for years.
PS. I realize that this rant doesn’t apply to the majority of my friends that read here because you comment and write me and have been good friends. But I had to vent somewhere and it ended up here. So please excuse the tirade. Thanks.
Posted by heydomsar
2008-04-29
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
...in a crowded room. - 2008-04-29
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