Idiot.

Kids, I'm so glad this week is over. Seriously. Who wants to celebrate with me?

Not that I expect any takers on that offer, the way this week has gone... I am totally failing at something lately. [Please don't say 'life'. Please don't say 'life'. Ok, ... you're right. It's 'life'.]

This week, more than a couple of my friendships have either dissolved or taken a turn for the worse or revealed themselves to be not the friendships I thought they were. It may be true of everyone, but I take the loss of a friend really hard. More than one in a week? How do you handle that? I don't know why these things always bunch up and happen at once, even though they are unrelated. But they do.

Except that they actually are related by one common thread... me. So I have to conclude that I am the idiot here. I'm doing something to screw up my relationships with people I care about. Why? I don't know. What am I doing? I don't know. Conclusion? Idiot.

So now... Solutions?

I think the best course of action would be to go into lockdown, wouldn't you agree? Freeze my assets? I think I should no longer answer the phone from this point forward. Also, cease getting together and hanging out with any of my friends. That way I can't screw it up and lose them, right? That's how you keep friends?

If not, I'm clueless. I've tried seriously open communication, by which I mean spitting out what's on my mind and how I feel about the friend. That's disastrous, obviously. I find my friendship is a house of cards. Well-intentioned denial seems to work much better for me than 'honesty'.

But then even the ones that are really close and buddy-buddy, hanging out a lot, playful teasing or male-bonding affection, without ever getting into 'feelings' and other complications... those endings come out of left field and I don't know what hit me.

Three lines stood out to me this week:

   'I thought you respected me'

   'I think I'd rather hang out with so-and-so'

   'I just need a break.'


Someone recently told me that the girls all have a 'Dominic Phase'. It hit me that this applies to both genders; in fact, everyone I've ever known. I'm really good at the beginning of friendships and relationships and all sorts of 'ships. Without sounding like a major jerk, I think it's safe to say that if you met me, you would probably like me.

For at least a month.

But it's only a phase. It passes. It's a cold you'll get over. It's a mistake I'll swiftly correct for you. Somehow. I'll put my foot in my mouth. You'll grow frustrated at the awkward distance. We wont connect. You don't share my interests. I'll move on. Or you'll move on. I'll be that one awkward phase you had in high school with the weird hair, braces, and tie-dye t-shirts. It's your Dominic Phase. Everybody has one.

For those of you that consider yourself my friend, I love you. But I'm sure you recognize we're not that close. It probably seemed like we would be at one point and then it fizzled out, right? We haven't gotten to the drop-off point yet, so I'm going to do what I can to hold on. But you're dealing with an idiot here. So don't get too attached.


Posted by heydomsar
2007-12-07

go back | random brainstorm | go forth

Rachel Ray - 2009-05-03
The cold wind was the reason - 2009-03-02
The Collected Wisdom of Angela Chase - 2009-02-15
All's well that ends well. - 2009-01-07
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - 2008-10-04

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