dear futureme,
This site allows you to write an email to yourself that they will deliver whenever you want. I wrote myself a note on November 8th, 2005 that will be delivered in 5 years, on November 8th, 2010. Here's what I wrote:
Subject: Dom, this is Dom. Remeber when gas was $2.55?
Dear FutureMe,
You wrote yourself this note 5 years ago. And now you are 30. I don't know how in the world you are coping with that. Because 5 years ago, it was totally freaking you out. Only you spelled it "phreaking" back then.
You are now at some kind of pinnacle / crossroads / climax / deadline point in your life. Is it worth all the dread you've been building up about it? Is 30 the end of all things youthful and fun and spontaneous and immature? Because you thought it would be. 30 was like this big dead-end brickwall where you thought you now had to act grown up and settled and mature and boring/bored. Did that happen? If so, then I need you to remember the fun and youthful outlook you had at 25 and go do something spontaneous and immature.
Oh my god. The 25-year-old you still can't believe that he will be 30 in five years. Can you believe you were 25 and felt that way?
Anyway, you knew this email was coming for 5 years. You may have tried to forget it. And with your bad memory, you just may have actually forgotten about it. But chances are, it has haunted you and filled you with dread for 5 years. And now it is here. Time's up. Pencils down. You've reached the deadline.
Did you accomplish all these goals by 30? They were some pretty big ones, because back at 25 you pretty much had no idea what 30 would be like and what you would be doing.
First of all... where are you spiritually? Remember at 25, you were in Muskego, WI and pretty much coasting. By now you had better have gotten your act together. I'm talking taking the lead as an elder or on that route. If not, then you better be doing something in full-time service to others. I'm serious. If you let that goal go, then make it your new priority. And by God, if you let yourself flounder or slip spiritually from that point, then this better be a wake-up call, reminding you who you are and that that is not acceptable. You know what it takes to get on track and improve so just do it. But I don't really see the slipping or drifting as a viable option. It can't be or what do you think you are living for anymore? So you must be doing pretty well in that area, right? You've helped at least one person find meaning in their life, right? That gave you meaning, right?
Secondly, the frivilous stuff... where the heck are you? At 25 you were in rural midwest outside of Milwaukee and really really disliking the country living. Are you still in the Midwest? Are you in the city? Do you have a house? Do you like where you live? Hey, did you ever do that major move - like to Spain, like you were dreaming about once? Remember? Or somewhere else foreign where you could really help people?
And then the really big one... did you finally end up marrying someone? Who is it? Because 5 years ago you had no idea who it might be. Does she make you happy? Are you really in love? What's sex like with someone you love? Is it worth the bad parts of being married? Do you have a real connection? Do you talk about anything that makes you think? Do you still feel so deeply? Your 25 year-old self pretty much thought all of that was a pipe dream and impossible for someone like him. Tell me it all turns out, ok?
If you're single still, are you happy? Can you cope with being single at 30? Did you just give up on finding someone that felt like the other half of your soul? If you did give up, are you sure that's the right choice?
Wow, you might even have a kid now, right? What in the world is that like? Is it the biggest joy of your life? Because you thought it would be.
Remember all that debt chasing you around? And the job uncertainty? And living in squalor? Please tell me you cleared all that up, but haven't over-indulged.
I know music is still all-important to you. You wouldn't be you if it weren't. Are you still listening to stuff that makes you feel something deep and worthwhile? Remember what you liked at 25? That indie self-important emotional stuff? Have you thrown all that away and found a new style again? You were in 2 bands back then, are you still playing? Singing? Dancing? Ever make a cd of your own stuff? Ever make a music video? Are you still writing?
What about your friends? Have you switched crews completely again? Are all your friends from 2005 still alive and healthy and strong spiritually? Are there any you don't talk to anymore? Any you forgot? What can you do about that? Do they all know you love them? I hope so.
How's the family? Hangin' in there? I hope you are still close. Because you were.
Remember your Beagle Peewee? She was 15 back then. I'm sure she's gone now. You loved her so much. I'm sure this paragraph is killing you. It hurt just to write it and she was still alive back then. Remember how she loved to be chased and how she would curl up next to your stomach when you lay on your side and how she didn't follow any commands except "gimmie a kiss." I sincerely hope you found something to fill the huge void she has left in your heart. You'll know you've become a huge bastard if you think it's silly that this paragraph made your eyes swell up when you wrote it at 25.
Do you still blog? Is http://heydomsar.diaryland.com still going? You can go back and see what you thought about back then, if you want. Are you thinking 'what a loser that guy was'? I hope so, because that means you've become a better person by now. Can you put your finger on what it took to become that better person?
Overall, I know you are still a happy guy at 30. Hopefully you've straightened out some things and are taking the changes like a champ, but basically I have confidence that you are the same person you were back then.
So from the 25 year-old me to the 30 year-old, keep up the good work. Maybe go back to http://futurme.org if it's around and write the 35 year-old you a note.
Love,
Dom
Posted by heydomsar
2005-11-08
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
Rachel Ray - 2009-05-03
The cold wind was the reason - 2009-03-02
The Collected Wisdom of Angela Chase - 2009-02-15
All's well that ends well. - 2009-01-07
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - 2008-10-04
