...in a crowded room.
I know I�ve been MIA for a while, but there hasn�t been too much to report. Most things are in a holding pattern� which I suppose is good. No recent tragedies or problems or drama to report. And I�ve had some time to reflect and make some life decisions, so that feels like progress, even if it really isn�t. If you notice a difference in the way I�m acting around you or someone else� I hope you aren�t hurt, but if I have to be what seems like a bit of a jerk, then so be it.
See, I drive through downtown every weekday morning on my way to work at about the same time of day. And nearly every morning, I pass this woman in a yellow VW with several bumper-stickers� the meanings of which are completely lost on me. They must be some bands or slogans for groups of which I don�t belong. And yet, I find myself reading and rereading them every time I pass her by. Antigone Rising. Love is Foregone. There aren�t any new clues to their meanings or to her. But every day I read them all.
You know they say it�s a sign of insanity when a person keeps doing the same thing and expecting different results.
And so I�m no longer going to drive myself insane.
I�m no longer going to repeatedly extend myself in worthless pursuits that go nowhere and irrationally expect to see benefits. I�m not insane.
And so I may be dropping you.
See, I know a lot of people. It�s kind of a joke really� among my friends� When they�d meet someone from other cities or nearby states, there�d be the �oh, you know Dominic!� conversation.
I know you�re thinking I�m being a total jerk by talking about this. Or that I�m just a liar. But it�s true.
I used to throw parties in rented halls and hand out hundreds of invites to my friends� not strangers. I still host very large events and get big groups of people together to do whatever I happen to be doing. I�m one of those people who fits in to many different cliques and groups. I�m comfortable with all different types of personalities and ages and races. Countless friends of mine have come to things I�ve put together, met people from other social circles at my parties, and fallen in love or became best friends.
I sacrifice a lot of time, money, and effort for my friends in different ways, which I am, of course, happy to do. I�m not saying I don�t enjoy all of this. But it�s also true that this just isn�t working for me. There are times when I feel used.
See, there are friends I�d hoped would be closer. I�d hoped to develop a mutual bond. And so I tried my best. I�d make them dinners and buy them drinks. I�d listen to them talk about their problems. I�d play around and be goofy with them. I�d never leave the house without inviting them along. But there are some people who have never returned these favors since I�ve known them.
When�s the last time you invited me somewhere along with you? Or that you had me for dinner? Or thanked me for the things I do? Or told me you appreciated the fact that we are friends? Because for some of you, nothing�s coming to mind.
So you know what? You�re taking advantage of me. I feel used. Friendships have to go two ways. And until they do, I�m done. There�s just too many to try to maintain with all this wasted energy.
I realize people show love in different ways. Everyone supposedly shows their love and friendship mainly in one of five ways: either through words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Which one are you?
All I can say is that you better pick one and start showing it. I still have a lot of big events planned for this summer� large camping trips, dinner parties, concerts, dance parties, the Photo Road Rally 2008� I enjoy being social and generous and hosting these things for my friends. And after having met more people this year, I thought I�d have to make these things bigger and better each time. But you know what? They�re going to be smaller. I�m going to cut back. I don�t care if you are my roommate, or a cousin, or I�ve known you for a decade. I�m going to drop useless friends that make me feel used. I�m going to focus my efforts on developing close bonds with people who appreciate me and reciprocate. If you want an invite � if you want to be a good friend of mine � maybe you should try proving to me that you are worthy of that title. Because I�ve been trying to prove it to you for years.
PS. I realize that this rant doesn�t apply to the majority of my friends that read here because you comment and write me and have been good friends. But I had to vent somewhere and it ended up here. So please excuse the tirade. Thanks.
Posted by heydomsar
2008-04-29
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
Rachel Ray - 2009-05-03
The cold wind was the reason - 2009-03-02
The Collected Wisdom of Angela Chase - 2009-02-15
All's well that ends well. - 2009-01-07
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - 2008-10-04
