Becks in the USA
Hello, Dom-fans! This is Becks!
For those of you who are unfamiliar with my work, I have been somewhat accurately described as a �brassy Long Island chick�. Although I�m not a Long Island native, that is where I live these days. (And in case you didn�t know, Long Island is a part of New York State and not its own state like my mom thinks.)
Now that the official introductions are over, let�s get on with the task at hand.
How does a person pick out the one song that means the most to him/her? For me, it was a process of elimination. I have plenty of �favorite songs� that don�t necessarily mean that much to me. I just like the way they sound or they make me happy for no particular reason. So those are easily eliminated. But there are other songs that are inextricably linked to memories. Those are the songs that mean something to me. They may not be the best songs. I may not even like some of them all that much � at least, not as much as some of my �favorite songs� � but they have background for me. When I hear them, they paint a picture in my mind. For example�
�Neil Diamond�s �Sweet Caroline� always reminds me of the West Virginia whitewater rafting trip I took with my friends Day and JD and so many others. It was cold, but we camped out anyway, and Day, JD and I slept out under the stars with our sleeping bags side-by-side.
��Daughter� by Pearl Jam makes me think of my brother Forrest and how we used to be best friends. I let him give me a snakebite tattoo and attempt to pierce my navel when he was 15 � neither of which turned out that great but make for some fun memories nonetheless.
�that insipid song �Breakfast at Tiffany�s� by Deep Blue Something brings me back to sitting in my kitchen with my first love Ryan and listening to the radio because � even though I was 16 � my dad wouldn�t allow me to go on a regular date with a boy.
I could go on and on and on, but we have all been instructed to pick just one, haven�t we? And I�ve given it a lot of thought. I finally have it.
Bruce Springsteen�s �I�m On Fire� � that�s the one. And here�s why.
I don�t have a lot of vivid memories from my childhood. There are pieces here and there, many of which hold a lot of uncertainty for me. Sometimes I can�t separate what I remember from what I�ve been told. There are just a few that are clear and sharp and precious.
One of those is the 1984 Bruce Springsteen album entitled �Born in the USA�.
I was six years old when my parents bought that album. They were still together back then, and we lived in a trailer on twelve acres of property, half of which was a swamp. We obviously didn�t have much, but we had Bruce Springsteen.
�Born in the USA� was huge back then. Seven top ten singles came out of it, and it was in Billboard's top ten for 84 straight weeks. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that people felt they could relate to him, and the songs seemed to be about the American Dream and patriotic pride. Most of them are upbeat and radio-friendly, but many believe that the album is one of the most misunderstood in rock history. Even I can tell now that the songs aren�t what they might have seemed. Beneath the danceable beats and optimistic titles, most of their lyrics tell tales of desperation, lost dreams, and disappointment.
I didn�t know that when I was six years old. I only knew that my parents loved it � maybe for the wrong reasons just like so many others � and played it constantly during the summer of 1985. We had it on vinyl. I haven�t seen it in ages, but I remember the cover quite well � Springsteen, with his back to the camera, wearing tight jeans and facing an American flag.
My mom and dad loved to dance. My mom would put the record on and start swinging her hips around the room to songs like �Glory Days� and �Dancing in the Dark�. She was my age then, and it�s so difficult for me to imagine that now. She was young and lean and quick with thick, wavy hair and a huge smile. At six years old, I remember thinking that she was a beautiful dancer. My dad would dance, too. He had rhythm but not much flair, and my mom would sometimes laugh loud and long at some silly move he�d manage.
During the faster songs, my brothers and I would throw our skinny arms and legs around, roll on the floor, and shriek and laugh. We thought we were dancing, too. And it was fun. Forrest was only four, and he had the chubbiest face with the most beautifully pale and creamy skin. Leif was three. He was thin and angelic with gorgeous natural curls. I had a perm and more freckles than I do now. And we loved the dancing. We loved Bruce Springsteen.
Then �I�m On Fire� would come on. My dad would stop dancing in his goofy yet graceful way, and he would catch my mom�s hand in his. And they would dance close together as the lyrics - which are dirty/beautiful - filled the room:
Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire
Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do to you the things that I do
I can take you higher
I'm on fire
Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
through the middle of my soul
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
and a freight train running through the
middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
I'm on fire
I don�t often get sentimental about my family the way it was. Things change. I�m a strong person, and I have long since recovered from the end of my parents� marriage. I realize that�s the way it had to be. But there are times when I have thought about how things might have been different, and I remember the way they used to dance to that Bruce Springsteen album. I remember that they looked at each other so intimately, and they seemed so happy.
And I wonder why that changed.
My mom doesn�t seem to dance anymore. My dad still dances in his goofy yet graceful way, and he sometimes hums the lyrics to �I�m On Fire�. Whenever I hear him do that, I remember that way back when I was very small, we were a family. That makes me happy in a bittersweet kind of way.
So Bruce Springsteen will always be about my childhood. And I still dance sometimes, too.
Posted by beckers-j
2006-05-05
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
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