Autumn Leaves
The falling leaves drift by my window
The falling leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sunburned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
My 'most meaningful song submission' is definitely not my favorite song. It doesn't define me. It doesn't represent my life or what I want life to be. In fact, I purposefully never listen to this song.
I can't.
And that's why it made this list.
The song I can't listen to probably means nothing to Carla. I don't know that she's ever heard it. She would listen to something a little more R&B. Some classic R&B like Barry White, usually. Some Marvin Gaye motown. That's the stuff she first played for me. I laughed at the sexy deep voice, but she just grooved with her eyes closed. We danced arm in arm and she held me close enough for me to notice. Carla was light on her feet even though she was bigger than me, she was a little older. But somehow, in her arms there, I felt like a man.
We went to the movies sometimes. Out to eat. She spent the day with me and the two little Bosnian boys I was watching then. She made them laugh. She stayed with them when my car broke down and left us stranded on the highway.
In Autumn, we saw a movie where the man's wife died. Carla cried in the seat next to me. The wife donated her heart and lived again in another body. Found her old husband again. And I didn't even roll my eyes.
We saw that movie again.
I was a stupid teenager then, but I was nothing if not earnest. I entertained fleeting thoughts of marrying this girl just to make her happy. We only have so much happiness in our lives and I wanted nothing more than to see her happy. Even if it made no sense. Even if just for a while.
That was the Autumn that Carla and her family went to Mexico. There was a clinic there that said they could do something for her cancer. Then Carla collapsed for the first time.
I'd come by a lot to her parents' house. But the big hospital bed crowded out the room and she got a lot of visitors. All the people wore out her tired little frame. She wasn't any bigger than me anymore. She wasn't any older. She wasn't mine, but she wouldn't let go.
The last time I held her, she had a seizure in my arms. The cancer had seeped into her brain. I left the house that day as she lay back down, and I knew I wouldn't see her alive again. The Autumn leaves blew around me as I walked down her driveway, alone.
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall
~Eva Cassidy "Autumn Leaves" (Listen)
Posted by heydomsar
2006-10-26
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
Rachel Ray - 2009-05-03
The cold wind was the reason - 2009-03-02
The Collected Wisdom of Angela Chase - 2009-02-15
All's well that ends well. - 2009-01-07
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - 2008-10-04
