Not Enough
Only one of you knows me(Stacy~puddin42), but I�m hoping to change that with this entry! Niki has opened my eyes to Dom (as well some others!), and this request for guest entries perplexed me, so I thought I�d share mine!
Despite the difficulty of the assignment to all of us who realize that music touches each and every level of our being, I was driving home the other day when it finally hit me. �This one won�t work; this one�s great but�this one�s it!I think if everyone took the time to sit and think about their entire life, we could come up with at least one song for each year � at least! And for every situation�happy, sad, indifferent, love, hate, etc. For me, my memory takes me back to college at Oswego State University in Oswego, NY (north of Syracuse, if that helps some of you!) more often than anywhere else. It was the time of my life, and the best decision I ever made. The hardships and hard work only made me stronger.
Freshman moved in usually the Thursday before classes started. Each residence hall/dorm had volunteers that moved in the week prior to get everything ready, and be there to meet, greet and help us newcomers (I became part of that every semester afterwards!). Simply stepping out of the van with my mom and dad granted me a loud, boisterous �HELLO!� from someone walking towards us. He was skinny, dark hair, and with a larger blonde girl, returning from our dining hall. With a huge smile on his face, he introduced himself to us, welcoming me to Scales Hall, Lakeside (Lake Ontario was 20 feet out the back door). His name was Mike, he was a sophomore, and lived on the 3rd floor � the hall adjacent to mine. The first person I met, my first friend in college, the best friend I would ever hope to have. Mike, Mary (the girl with him), Andy, Tara, Sylvia, Julie and Larry, Vera and Cindy would be my first friends � and most of them welcomed me with open arms.
Saturday night before the Super Bowl in 1995 changed my life, and Mike�s, forever, but none of us would realize it until the following semester. I was raped by Andy�s roommate, someone I had gotten to know and considered another friend. I blocked it out of my mind for over 7 months, but my behavior and relationships changed. Mike and I got closer and yet farther apart. He was falling for me, and I was lost, searching for meaning in love and a physical relationship. I pulled him closer and pushed him away. He watched me bounce from one person to another, yet never faltering in our friendship. We spent our breaks from school together, and had the time of our lives. I couldn�t see that the meaning of true, pure love was right in front of me, whether it was romantic for me or not.
The next semester I began my �career� as Peer Educator in the sexuality component of what we called the LifeStyles Center. During our training week, the first day the group split into each section, we covered date and acquaintance rape. The flashbacks started. I cried and shook and just lost control. Thankfully I was with professionals, but all I wanted was Mike. When I found him later on, I clung to him like glue, but couldn�t find it in my heart to tell him. Little did I know that this fragile, gentle, caring, loving man would nearly put his fist through a wall, coming back to my room after a 2 hour walk with eyes bright red from sobbing. Little did I know that the situation would put us both in counseling, and bring us even closer together, if only for a little while.
Mike eventually fell for someone else, and they married and had a beautiful daughter. He and I drifted apart, and I remember all those nights of snuggling together, holding each other, driving back and forth from Oswego to either Ransomville or Albany, or any combination of the above, it raining every single time we went to Niagara Falls. Even though we never really had a romantic relationship, the love we shared together was amazing, and I will always be grateful to have had him in life. Being the avid Van Halen that he was (David Lee Roth over Sammy Hagar, but it didn�t really matter!), he made me the Ultimate Van Halen mix. The first song on Side 2 is the perfect reminder of what love � especially ours, is � Not Enough. I haven�t listened to it in years, and even the thought brings tears to my eyes�
Posted by nikig
11 May 2006
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
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The cold wind was the reason - 2009-03-02
The Collected Wisdom of Angela Chase - 2009-02-15
All's well that ends well. - 2009-01-07
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - 2008-10-04
