to the cold, harsh light
I'm pretty shocked and awash with feelings right now... and I'm not sure how to sort them out. I tried to talk it out, but of course, that was more of Me being there for Them. And I don't mind that at all, but there's no chance to turn it around. So I'm left spilling the Me part to the cold, harsh light of this webpage.
I think I should be angry. But I only feel pity. Pity for Them and their screwing up their lives.
Backing up, the Them is a few friends of mine who made a mistake. They are just now facing the consequences. They are young enough to have forgotten that there are always consequences. And I should be angrier because they shouldn't have forgotten that fact. But I can only feel saddened by it all. Sad for them, yes. And selfishly, sad for me. I can't lose my friends. Not this way. How could they do this to us? To me.
Ok, before the anger swells, I'm going to remember that they are in the horrible circumstances, not me. And I feel so sorry for them because I care. There's few others that I could care this much about.
I'm the type of person who has a lot of friends. Seriously, a ton. And that's not a brag, to me, because I don't think that's a good spot to be in. Being someone who has a lot of friends means I'm not very close to any of them. You can't be if you try to stay in all these different circles. So I have fun, but connections are rare. If I want to talk about things that matter to me, and have someone understand ... I'm left with an artificial, electronic diary to explain myself to.
But these 2 people managed to make it past whatever my hang-up is, and into that inner circle where I feel close. Close enough that we've talked about things I wouldn't even post to this unkown web address. Things that you only talk about with someone you could call a best friend. Things like telling them "I love you." And for a guy, that's a big step. For me, that's a big leap because I only say that if I mean it.
So I can't lose these friends. They can't lose us.
Posted by heydomsar
2004-06-22
go back | random brainstorm | go forth
Rachel Ray - 2009-05-03
The cold wind was the reason - 2009-03-02
The Collected Wisdom of Angela Chase - 2009-02-15
All's well that ends well. - 2009-01-07
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - 2008-10-04
